Finding My Place

There's a gentleman in my shul whom I sometimes (privately) refer to as "The Wandering Jew". While most regular shul-goers each have their unique "makom kavuah" - a fixed, set seat in shul - this fellow will typically change his seat a couple of times during any given Shabbos morning. It doesn't generally appear that he's looking for better spot per se, it seems more like he's just plain indifferent to where he happens to sit.

I think the only reason I even notice this man's innocuous foible is that I am at the opposite end of the spectrum. I am so attached to my regular makom in shul that I could not bring myself to follow the usual custom of changing it - at least on Shabbos - during my year of aveilus for my father. The couple of weeks I tried to do so, it felt so uprooting and disorienting that I deemed it, subjectively, to be too public a display of mourning - something which is discouraged on Shabbos.

Beyond this personal reason, I also felt that I was very much following my father's own example. He was always conscientious in the extreme to not to take another's place in shul. On the rare occasions that he had to daven in an unfamiliar minyan, he would stand at the back of the room throughout the services rather than incur the slightest risk of usurping someone's makom kavuah. So in a sense, I felt that in breaking with the prevalent minhag, and not changing my seat during the mourning period for my father, I was actually honoring his memory all the more by holding fast to one of his core values.

All this has been on my mind lately because I feel like I may need to start looking for my place again. Not in shul this time, but in that amorphous, nebulous realm known as the "J-blogosphere". And unlike the synagogue, there is no seating plan to help guide me, no gabbaim to direct me to my special niche.

Since its inception nearly a year ago, this blog has never exactly been monolithic or tightly focused. Posts of a deep emotional nature have alternated freely with discussions of rock music or comic books. That's certainly the way I wanted it, the way I needed it to be. But underlying the diversity /eclecticness, there was the central core of my Aaron-related writings. For multiple reasons, I now find that my desire, my need, and my ability to write those particular posts has lessened. I don't think I'll abandon them entirely, but they no longer feel like they can continue to be the stabilizing thread for the blog that they once were.

This is not simply one of those "bloggers-block" kvetches; been there, done that plenty of times already. Rather, taking a page from Mirty, who was one of my two original inspirations to start blogging (SD of course being the other), I am pondering where I really want to take this blog, and indeed whether I want to take it anywhere.

So where do I go from here? Do I continue to write whatever I feel like at a given moment, moving the blog even further beyond "classification"? Maybe. I mean what the heck, I'm not gunning to win a "JIB" anyway! But on the other hand, being multi-focused is not quite the same as the complete lack of a focus, and while the former has always been comfortable for me, I'm not sure the latter is what I really want.

As always, while the ultimate decision is mine, your suggestions, opinions, and feelings are both welcome and valued. And whatever direction I do decide to take, thanks as always for being along for the ride.