From the Heart, Via the Head

There is an individual I'll refer to as "W" who knows me well and whose insights I value. W is not a "web-head" but I've been sharing printouts of some of my blog entries, particularly chapters of Aaron's Story, with him/her. Yesterday, after reading Anguished Composure, W commented as follows: You write very well (aw, shucks!), your writing definitely opens up a window into your heart, but it's also very "polished".

This observation really hit home. I have realized, almost since I first started blogging (just over 4 months ago, but seems much longer!) that I do just this. I am willing to get fairly personal and share feelings and events that had previously been known to only a few, sometimes even to none. But I am cautious in the way I do so. Not only in terms of protecting the privacy of other family members but also in the way I reveal my own inner self. The feelings I write about are real, but I pass them through a very planned - a very calculated - filter before they are exposed.

W's remark has left me feeling uneasy, particularly because I had just started composing the next part of Aaron's Story. That set of writings are clearly my most personal and revealing. At the same time, they are also the ones I tend to review and edit more thoroughly and painstakingly than any others before I feel ready to publish them.

I am pondering the following:

1) Does the intensive editing - the "polish" - make my writing seem less sincere and genuine? Is the "window into my heart" open only so far?

2) If I decide that the answer to question 1 is "yes", what if anything will I do about it?

3) For those of you that also choose to blog about personal matters, have you wrestled with a similar issue, and what conclusions did you reach?