Elie's Expositions

A bereaved father blogging for catharsis... and for distraction. Accordingly, you'll see a diverse set of topics and posts here, from the affecting to the analytical to the absurd. Something for everyone, but all, at the core, meeting a personal need.

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Thursday, September 15, 2005

Frayed, Frazzled, and Frustrated

Well, our car was declared a "total loss" because the cost to repair it exceeds its book value. So we need to shop for another car in a hurry. This feels so unfair because to replace the car will cost us much more than the insurance will give us. Yes, we will end up with a newer car (this was a 97 Lumina with 85K miles) but we were not ready to replace it yet - in fact we put about $1000 bucks into fixing it just a few weeks ago!

All this has all gotten me thinking about my general frustration level over the past few months. The conventional wisdom seems to be that once one suffers a genuine tragedy, everyday annoyances no longer seem important, especially if they just involve monetary loss. You are supposed to have learned not to "sweat the small stuff", right?

Only my experience is somewhat the opposite. It's more like suffering this loss has made me so emotionally depleted, lowered my resistance to such a degree, that minor problems are, at least initially, harder to handle than they used to be. I lose my cool more easily, get tremendously angry at situations even though I know they are unavoidable.

What does happen, though, is that after a while - sometimes within minutes, sometimes it takes hours or days - I am better able to put the lesser problems into perspective. After all, they are not the end of the world. I know, I've seen it. And slowly, partly through blogging, I'm working on learning to endure it.

Thanks for being there to listen.


At 9/16/05, 4:59 PM, Blogger benros52589 said...

no problem

At 9/16/05, 11:40 PM, Blogger JC said...

I totally agree with you. I don't think folks realize that we probably all have a limited amount of emotional reserves and that the more we use, the less we have left over to deal wtih anything. I also think that our bodies get so used to responding to the anxiety and stress that they get good at it and it becomes an almost automatic response. Be kind to yourself and take extra good care of yourself. You deserve it, but it is also imperative that you do so. So many folks think they need to be stronger....while I think folks really need to allow themselves some leeway to feel better. Wish I could really help. Keep blogging it out.

At 9/17/05, 7:52 AM, Blogger Alan aka Avrum ben Avrum said...

Dear Elie,

Your remarks have very genuinely touched me. Your Aaron, my Ben! It really and truly hurts that they're no longer here with us any more! What a hurtful, profound yet simple truth! And though-as you said-it is not the end of the world, the immeasureable churban of the loss of a child does, in fact, represent the end of the world ... in as much as we had once known it! The joy of family together-be it for Shabbat, Pesach, Thanksgiving ... has become bittersweet as there always remains that extra place setting ... that empty chair. And after everyone has gone home, we are left with our grief ... the key to which is that it be managed lest it overtake us.

May the New Year bring you and yours much shalom and nechuma! I am ...

Sincerely yours,

Alan D. Busch


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