Elie's Expositions

A bereaved father blogging for catharsis... and for distraction. Accordingly, you'll see a diverse set of topics and posts here, from the affecting to the analytical to the absurd. Something for everyone, but all, at the core, meeting a personal need.

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Thursday, October 05, 2006

Questions of My Childhood

"Well I walk the road of life among the strong, among the weak
And I ask them for the shortcut to the answers that I seek
But it seems nobody understands what is and what will be
Oh the questions of my childhood
Weave a web of mystery"
- Kansas, "Questions Of My Childhood"

When I was a small fry, I was much too smart for my own good. As an illustration, here are 10 of the burning questions I had at age nine or so:
  1. How can Batman and Robin slide down the batpoles in their regular clothes and land at the bottom in their uniforms?
  2. If the Professor can make houses, plates and cups, a car, and a washing machine from materials found on the island, why can't he build a boat?
  3. Who would win in a battle between Samantha and Jeannie?
  4. Why does Yogi Bear wear a hat, shirt collar and tie, but no other clothes?
  5. Why does Grover wear pajamas to bed and then walk around naked all day?*
  6. If Mickey the Mouse, Donald the Duck, and Goofy the Whatever can all talk, then why can't Pluto the dog?
  7. In the "Three Bears" story, if the middle-sized bowl of porridge had already gotten cold, wouldn't the little, wee bowl be even colder, instead of "just right"?**
  8. When the Coyote falls off a cliff, where do his bandages suddenly come from?
  9. Why does Underdog always wait to use his secret energy pill until he is on the verge of defeat? Same question for Peter Potamus and his "Hurricane Hippo Holler"?
  10. In the Wacky Races, why doesn't Professor Pat Pending win every single time, since he can change his car into a rocket or whatever he wants?
I should add that as an avid Marvel comics fan, I did have a certain automatic acceptance of the supernatural. But I also expected Marvel's level of continuity, consistency, and verisimilitude in all my entertainment forms. So for example, on #8 I didn't ask how the Coyote survived the fall in the first place - I just assumed he had invulnerability powers. But how did he get those friggen bandages? (On a related note, here's another Wile E Coyote question from one of my old posts.)

Did anyone else ask questions like these? Make me feel good, tell me yours!

* OK, my kid sister came up with that one, but I still liked it!
** OK, this one wasn't fully original - Linus asked the same thing. But I did wonder about it too.


At 10/6/06, 12:27 AM, Blogger torontopearl said...

Not TV related, but since I was young(ish),whenever the Bahamas travel campaign advertised, "It's better in the Bahamas," I always wondered aloud, "Better than what?!"

And I remember the great theological question that didn't stray from my head when I was about 9 or 10; I'd be outside at recess at school and wonder, "How can Hashem be over us, watching us, while at the same time be at my house, watching over my parents?" (although I was in the playground of a Jewish day school, where we learned answers to questions like these, I just couldn't shake that question.)

At 10/6/06, 12:36 AM, Anonymous Tova said...

How about these -
In the Arthur kids television show, how come Arthur owns a dog as a pet and has a friend who is a dog (Binky Barnes)

And whats up with the gigantic rat who teaches them?! A rat who is larger than an aardvark and a bunny rabbit???

Speaking of Linus...
Where the heck are all the adults in Peanuts cartoons. How come those kids who are like eight do everything themselves (like cook a Thanksgiving feast, travel to a Spelling Bee etc...)

Grover's mom wears clothing but Grover doesn't...

Are Ernie and Bert kids or adults? And if they are kids, how come they have their own apartment?

Oh and did you notice that in the early nineties they made snuffaluffagus a regular character who could be seen by everyone on Sesame Street, not just Big Bird. Seems they determined it wasn't psychologically good for the kids. Thanks a lot guys for messing with our minds!!!

At 10/6/06, 1:46 PM, Blogger Soccer Dad said...

Why was it that when a cartoon character goes off the edge of cliff gravity doesn't take over until he looks down and sees he has nothing supporting him.
(Babies learning to walk are like this. They'll stand and let go and might be fine ... until they look down.)

For awhile I didn't believe in the tooth fairy. I figured that the pressure from the head and pillow on the tooth pressed it into a coin. Now I know that there's really a tooth fairy.

I really wasn't bothered by the Batman and Robin question. I thought that there was some sort of machine that changed them on the way down.

Speaking of the verisimilitude of Marvel comics, how was it that Peter Parker set up his camera in a stationary position and yet captured action covering quite a bit of territory? :-)

At 10/10/06, 9:43 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

If Lex Luthor is such a smart guy why can't he find a way to regrow his hair?

Why did Ginger and the Howells bring so much luggage on a three hour tour?
Also how did Gilligan keep his pants so white?


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