Elie's Expositions

A bereaved father blogging for catharsis... and for distraction. Accordingly, you'll see a diverse set of topics and posts here, from the affecting to the analytical to the absurd. Something for everyone, but all, at the core, meeting a personal need.

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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Dream Weaver Revisited

"I’ve just closed my eyes again
Climbed aboard the dream weaver train
Driver take away my worries of today
And leave tomorrow behind..."
- Gary Wright, "Dream Weaver"
A few months ago I wrote about how deeply I longed to dream about Aaron, to experience some sense of renewed contact with him, though it only be via my own subconscious. Shortly afterwards, I did have a very fleeting dream image, in which Aaron suddenly woke up from his coma in the hospital and asked for the bedpan. But I had no communication with this dream Aaron, and the scene was extremely brief and unsatisfying. And that was all I got for these many months - until a few nights ago, when I had a very detailed and vivid dream concerning Aaron, though he didn't actually appear in it.

I dreamed that we were having some kind of memorial ceremony or service for him, in an unfamiliar synagogue. The ceremony was very stern and frightening; it involved bringing his actual coffin back into the shul. I saw myself standing by the door of the shul sanctuary, trembling and miserable. I just couldn't bring myself to enter and go through with this ritual.

I peered in the room and saw many of my and Debbie's relatives already seated, with more entering every moment. I knew I couldn't avoid it any longer, and stepped into the room. Just as I entered, I saw my father standing right by the threshold. My father passed away almost two years ago, and - unlike Aaron - I have met him in my dreams many times since.

The dream-dad gently gripped my arm, as if to provide support. I understood, with dream-ish logic, that my father was temporarily back from the afterworld once again, as he had been in almost all the previous dreams.

"I'm so glad that you're here!", I said. "Please tell me, how is Aaron doing in Heaven?"

"Aaron is doing very well", my dad responded. "Don't worry. I'll be back to see you again soon."

And just like that, he was gone.

And I woke, feeling forlorn and bereft all over again... and yet, strangely comforted.

"...Fly me high through the starry skies
Maybe to an astral plane
Cross the highways of fantasy
Help me to forget today’s pain."


At 2/16/06, 2:39 PM, Anonymous Tova said...

Elie, Once again you have me in tears... May the family know no more sorrow.

At 2/16/06, 4:23 PM, Blogger Jack's Shack said...

From your mouth to G-d's ears.


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