Elie's Expositions

A bereaved father blogging for catharsis... and for distraction. Accordingly, you'll see a diverse set of topics and posts here, from the affecting to the analytical to the absurd. Something for everyone, but all, at the core, meeting a personal need.


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Thursday, July 20, 2006

Supergevaldicka...

From the only venue where "racial" antagonism is still perfectly PC - Day Camp color war, that is! An original musical parody by my son and burgeoning author, Shalom. Enjoy!


Moishe Pippick

[Play opens in Bernsteins’ home. Mr. and Mrs. Bernstein and children are present…]

Mr. Bernstein: I don’t understand, honey. The advertisement I placed in the paper invited all willing applicants to arrive at 8:00. It’s nearly nine, and still no one’s arrived.

Mrs. Bernstein: [shrugs shoulders] I suppose they’ve heard tell of the infamous Bernstein family, and decided to stay away.

Mr. Bernstein: I just don’t know what to do….

Oh, We Really Need a Nanny!

Sarah: [sings] Oh, we really need a nanny!

[Granny Walks In. Speaks:] What about me?

Avi: As long as it’s not Granny!

Sarah: Oh, we need someone to watch us!

Avi: But please, Don’t let her potch us!

Both: Oh, we really need a nanny!!

Father: Oh, we really need a nanny!

Mother: She’ll help with the whole fam’ly!

Father: She’ll be there when I’m at work!

Mother: Not like our last! What a jerk!

All together: OH, WE REALLY NEED A NANNY!!

[The song ends and there is a knock at the door. All heads turn to left stage.]

Mrs. Bernstein: Oh goodness gracious me! Maybe we have finally found ourselves an applicant!

[Enter Mary Poppins (yes, that’s Mary)]

Mary Poppins: Good evening, my name is Mary Poppins. I have heard your cry of despair and have come to take this problem off your back - ahhhhhhhhhh!

[She emerges with Moishe Pippick riding on her back. She falls to the ground]

Moishe Pippick: Shalom Aleichem! My name is Moishe Pippick! I-Oy Gevalt!

[Mary Poppins is up and smacks him with an umbrella. He falls to the ground]

Mary Poppins: As I was saying, my name is Mary Popp—ahhhgh!

[Moishe Pippick opens his eyes, jumps up on smothers Mary with his Shtreymal.]

Mary Poppins: Aggh! I can’t breath! Ahhh!

[He knocks her down the stairs and out of sight.]

Moishe Pippick: Shalom Aleichem! I have come to answer your advertisement.

[Puts Umbrella and Gemara and Shtreymal on side table.]

Moishe Pippick: Well, nu? Where are they?

Mrs. Bernstein: [looking taken aback] Who?

Moishe Pippick: The Kinderlach, of course! Where are they?

Mr. Bernstein: [Chuckles] Umm…Well. I don’t think you’ll fit the criteria…

Moishe Pippick: Why Not?

Mrs. Bernstein: Well, to be honest, I think you’re a bit too Jewish for us…

Moishe Pippick: [angrily] Oy Gevalt! What did you say? We are all equally Yidden! Not one is more of a yid then another!

Mr. Bernstein: Well, that’s good enough for me! Avi! Sarah! Come meet your new nanny!

Nurse: [Calls Down] They’re a little busy at the moment! You’ll have to come up and meet them!

Mr. Bernstein: Allright, up to the stairs to your right, my man.

[all exit]


Scene 2

[The children are lying in bed, and the nurse is feeding them medicine.]

Avi: Do we have to? It’s so yucky!

Nurse: Do as your told children!

Avi: No! [Turns around and hold nose up.]

Sarah: Never! [Turns around and hold nose up.]

Nurse: Nanny….

Moishe Pippick: Yes, Nurse, This is an outrage!

[Children look at Moishe, disappointed]

Moishe Pippick: There is only one solution to this problem!

[Both Children look terrified.]

Avi: Oh no! Not the doctor!

Moishe Pippick: Doctor? Doctor Shmoctor! A bowl Chicken Soup!

Sarah: Chicken Soup?!

Moishe Pippick: Of course! Chicken soup!

[Sings.]

A Bowl of Chicken Soup…

For every cold that comes to be
There is a simple remedy.
To all but yidden it’s a mystery!

And after having this fine treat
You’ll soon be on your feet
Sore throat! Skinned knees!
One thing cures all of these!

It’s a…
Bowl of chicken soup, it keeps any fever down.
Oy, any fever down-wown.
Oy, any fever down.
It’s a bowl of chicken soup, it keeps any fever down!
It’s the most Hamishah way!

Oh, when your lying there in bed
With a bad pain in your head.
Not keeping down anything that you’re fed.

There is one thing to do.
For any normal Jew!
No! Not aspirin!
There’s just one solution!

It’s a…
Bowl of chicken soup, it keeps any fever down.
Oy, any fever down-wown.
Oy, any fever down.
It’s a bowl of chicken soup, it keeps any fever down!
It’s the most Hamishah way!

It’s the most Hamishah way!


Scene 3

Moishe Pippick: Good morning children! Now that we’ve davened, it’s time to learn!

Both Children together: Learn? Learn what?

Moishe Pippick: [Laughs] Learn what? The Hailigeh Toirah!

Sarah: Is that what they do in Synagogue?

Moishe Pippick: Oy gevalt! The toirah is for every second of your life!

Avi: Wow, that sounds hard!

Moishe Pippick: Of course it is! Haven’t you heard of ameilos b’toirah?! But there is a secret!

Sarah: Oh boy! What is it?

Moishe Pippick: One word: Supergevaldickashteigingfrombokertochoshech!

Avi: That sounds like 7 words…

Moishe Pippick: NO! One Word! Supergevaldickashteigingfrombokertochoshech! Learn this word and shteiging is as easy as a peace of shmoltz herring! [sings]

Supergevaldickashteigingfrombokertochoshech!

Moishe Pippick:
Uy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy ya
Uy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy ya!

It's...
Supergevaldicka-shteiging-from-boker-to-choshech!
Even though it sounds hard
All you have to do is focus.
We learn Rashi, Ramban, Ran, Abarbanel, and Toisfus.
Supergevaldickashteigingfrombokertochoshech!
Uy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy ya
Uy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy ya!

Class is where I used to sleep
when I was just a talmid.
I never could stay in my seat
My grades were never solid.
But learning this word made things straight
No more problems in shiur.
From then on, everything was great
It brought me up through Mir!

Oh…Supergevaldickashteigingfrombokertochoshech!
Even though it sounds hard
all you have to do is focus.
We learn Rashi, Ramban, Ran, Abarbanel, and Toisfus
Supergevaldickashteigingfrombokertochoshech!
Uy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy ya
Uy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy yuy ya!

Supergevaldickashteigingfrombokertochoshech!

[song ends.]

Avi: Wow! Now I understand all the secrets of the torah!

Moishe Pippick: Of course you do….now let’s go eat some lunch!

[All exit]

Scene Four


Moishe Pippick: Well, goodbye kinderlach, it’s time for you to say tzeischem l’shalom!

Both Children: What? Where are you going?

Moishe Pippick: My brother just bought a Kosher Delight, and I’m going to “chop” some free nosh there.

Avi: Will we ever see you again?

Moishe Pippick: B’emess…I doubt it. Their nosh does a man’s heart no good.

Well, Good bye Kinderlach!

[Floats away on his Shtreyemal and all exit.]

7 Comments:

At 7/21/06, 12:24 AM, Blogger torontopearl said...

Encore, Encore!

Truly delightful.

And Shalom is how old, bli ayin hara?

 
At 7/21/06, 9:05 AM, Blogger Elie said...

Thanks! Shalom, ad meah v'esrim, is 14, turning fifteen next month.

 
At 7/21/06, 10:31 AM, Blogger torontopearl said...

Elie, it really is delightful, and this little play should be published in one of the many Jewish publications out there, or in the kids' pages of a Jewish paper. It's very amusing and a wonderful concept.
Even worth extending and turning into a kids' book for Feldheim or another of the Jewish publishers.

Shalom...YOU'RE GOOD!!!

Good Shabbos from Toronto.

 
At 7/21/06, 12:44 PM, Anonymous Tova said...

Shalom,
This is spectacular - or should I say GEVALDIG!!!
Aunt Tova

 
At 7/23/06, 7:18 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

That was GREAT!
It puts my soap opera to shame for sure!

 
At 7/23/06, 10:48 PM, Blogger Elie said...

Tova: Thanks for being a proud tanta!

Shif: You're too modest...but thank you!

 
At 8/1/06, 12:48 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Great actors you produced, great stuff.

 

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