Elie's Expositions

A bereaved father blogging for catharsis... and for distraction. Accordingly, you'll see a diverse set of topics and posts here, from the affecting to the analytical to the absurd. Something for everyone, but all, at the core, meeting a personal need.


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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

You Might Be Yeshivish

(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, and thanks to Debbie and "E."!)

You Might Be Yeshivish!

If one of your shaitels cost more than both of your cars...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you mow the lawn wearing a black wool suit...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you let your eight-year-old babysit for her five younger siblings...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you consider chulent a basic food group...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you read about a "Rabbi Emeritus" and think he must come from Greece...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you use words like "davka", "mamish", and "skoiach" in every conversation, even when talking to your maid or the checkout clerk...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you're intimately familiar with which Paskes treats can be bought with food stamps...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you visit Loehman's Back Room before every Yom Tov...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you think "parve" is an official ice cream flavor...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If your grandchilden are older than some of your children...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you buy milk that's already two days expired...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you had to get engaged after three dates because there are only three airports in the NY area...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you go to a wedding with your spouse and only see one another for the car ride there and back...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If a toy poodle on a leash evokes a full-blown panic attack in your kids (or yourself)...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you think "schmorgasbord" is a yiddish word...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If the school bus breaks down and they ask to borrow your van...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If your clothing choices are not affected by seasonal changes...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If "kugel making" is the primary female right of passage for your daughters...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you want to go fishing on vacation so you can catch your own gefilte...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you keep your wigs on the dresser and your TV in the clothes closet...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If your enclose cooking assignments with your bar mitzvah invitations...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you heard about this article but can't read it because the internet was ossered...

You Might Be Yeshivish!!!

Purim 5766

(If you have any to add, please use the comments section!)

9 Comments:

At 3/14/06, 11:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay Eli,

Next year we'll do "You might be Modern Orthodox!"

"E"

 
At 3/14/06, 11:41 AM, Blogger Elie said...

It's a deal!! Thanks again and A Freilichin Purim!

Elie

 
At 3/15/06, 12:44 PM, Anonymous tova said...

How about:
If you qualify for the group rate when you visit an amusement park with all of your kids, you just might be Yeshivish.

 
At 3/15/06, 6:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you must have 48 inch beds (which can not be purchased in a goyish store), you might be yeshivish

 
At 3/15/06, 6:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you show up at WIC for basic food benefits with a sparkling diamond bracelet dangling from your wrist, accompanied by a multi-diamond ring, you might be yeshivish

 
At 3/15/06, 6:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you show up at St Peters Hospital in the transition stage of labor in your multi-directional sheitel accompanied by your black hat "boyfriend" because you got better health insurance benefits by not being legally married, you just might be yeshivish

 
At 3/15/06, 8:43 PM, Blogger Elie said...

Anon:

I don't get your first one; if you mean twin beds those are available anywhere.

The middle one is like the one about food stamps in the main article, but nastier.

The last one is a bit too nasty for my tastes. Is it really accurate? I've never heard of this one.

 
At 3/16/06, 5:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too nasty for my taste too. As a rule, if you are too chicken to sign it, it's probably more nasty than funny

"e"

 
At 3/17/06, 12:26 PM, Anonymous Tova said...

Loved this post, Elie.

Do people really enclose cooking assignments with their Bar Mitzvah invitations?

 

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