Missing Goodbye

Today is another difficult milestone in the continuous sequence of unbearably hard, and slightly less hard, days since that Friday in May. This afternoon are the scheduled flights from NJ/NY to Israel for all the boys (and I assume girls as well) that are planning to spend a year in Yeshiva there.

At this moment, we should have been doing the frantic last-minute packing, shlepping to the airport with ten tons of suitcases, kissing Aaron goodbye and holding back tears of joy mixed with a bit of nostalgic sadness; our big boy is leaving home for the first time! Instead, I find myself too empty even to cry.

But here's a thought I can try to recall today; one of the few things said at the levaya [funeral] and shiva that actually brought me some comfort:

At Aaron's levaya, his Rebbe spoke about how over the course of the boys' senior year, most of the main Israeli yeshivot for chutznikkim sent reps around to their high school to interview prospective students. Several of them were vying for the top boys, including Aaron. In Rebbe's words, "This Rav wanted him in his yeshiva, that Rav wanted him in his yeshiva. But the Kadosh Baruch Hu said, "No! I want him in my yeshiva!"

Guess I was wrong - I can cry today after all.